A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up at this huge black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, “I’m 7 foot, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown”.
The white man faints and falls to the ground. The big guy kneels and brings him to, shaking him…
The big guy says: “What’s wrong with you?”
In a weak voice the little guy says, “What exactly did you say to me?”
The big dude says, “I saw your curious look and I figured I’d give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.
I’m 7 foot tall, weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown.”
The small guy says, “Turner Brown?”
Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, “Turn Around.”
There were two nuns walking… One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past 38 ½ minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It’s logical. He wants to violate us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
A little while later…
SM: It’s not working.
SL: Of course it’s not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in 1 minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split up. You go that way and I’ll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives…
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn’t follow us both, so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL : Isn’t it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.
A little boy goes to his father and asks ‘Daddy, how was I born ?’
The father answers, ‘Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other…
There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button,nine months later a little Pop-Upappeared that said:
YOU GOT MALE! :)
The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University ..
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.
The average person over 45 years of age cannot do it!
1.This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.
What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…”
A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit…” :)