November 2011
16 posts
5 tags
A Well-Planned Retirement
Outside England’s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant. The fees for cars about $1.40 and for buses about $7.
Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn’t show up; so the Zoo management called the City Council and asked it to send them another...
4 tags
Irish Are The Best
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O’Leary’s apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael O’Connor looks around and asks, ‘Okay, me boys, someone’s got to tell Paddy’s wife. Who will it be?’ ...
5 tags
WatchIn case you wondered why some people go to Florida for the winter…
13 tags
Apartment For Rent (Funny!)
A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.
They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment ‘RENT FOR APARTMENT.’ On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not...
12 tags
Republican Bowling Alley
Wanna knock his teeth out?
A bowling alley in Clearwater, Florida, Bowl-O-Bama, is doing record business despite a bad economy.
The alley also reports a record number of 300 games.
Since opening in November 2010, 963 patrons have bowled a perfect game, including strikes in the warm-up frames.
This alley also has the highest bowling league average...
13 tags
Short Bedtime Story (Picture) :)
Short Bedtime Story…
14 tags
Old Butch
John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called ‘pullets,’ and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell...
12 tags
The best election commentary...
“I haven’t left my house in days. I watch the news channels incessantly. All the news stories are about the election. All the commercials are for Viagra and Cialis.
Election - Erection - Election - Erection — either way we’re getting fucked!”
— Bette Midler.
14 tags
With Age Comes Wisdom...
A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, “Pick me up.”
He looked around and couldn’t see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, “Pick me up.” He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, “Are you talking to me?” The...
9 tags
New to Marraige? (a picture)
9 tags
Horse Manure
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
“‘Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.” ”Go away!” said the old lady. ”I’m broke and...
12 tags
Some Facts You Should Know..
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)...
8 tags
WatchGreat Beer Ad..
6 tags
Variations of Murphy's Law
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee. 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong...
