Inbox Comedy
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Old Girls (and a Grandpa…)
Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.
When an old Grandpa walked by…
And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.”
The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.”
One of the old Grandmas said, “Sure, we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age.”
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!”
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?”
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison…
“We were at your birthday party yesterday!” -
Ninja’s…
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched for “ninjas”.
The computer told me “Ninjas cannot be found”.
Well played ninjas, very well played.
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A Teaspoon, a Teacup and a Bucket…
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in a nursing care home?”
“Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a Teaspoon, a Teacup and a Bucket to the person and ask them to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
“No” he said. “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you prefer a bed near the window?” -
Hello, Operator…
HELLO, OPERATOR
ANOTHER CHAPTER OF “THEY WALK AMONG US AND REPRODUCE!!
Actual call center conversations!
Customer: ‘I’ve been calling 700-1000 for two days and can’t get through;
can you help?’
Operator: ‘Where did you get that number, sir?’
Customer: ‘It’s on the door of your business.’
Operator: ‘Sir, those are the hours that we are open.’
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Samsung Electronics
Cal ler: ‘Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about.’
Cal ler: ‘On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that
I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the
number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.’
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RAC Motoring Services
Cal ler: ‘Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
traveling in Australia ?’
Operator: ‘Does the policy name give you a clue?’
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )
‘If I register my car in France, and then take it to England ,
do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?’
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Directory Enquiries
Cal ler: ‘I’d like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?’
Cal ler: ‘Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off.’
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: ‘Woven? Are you sure?’
Cal ler: ‘Yes. That’s what it says on the label — Woven in Scotland …’
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: ‘I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on.’
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Tech Support: ‘I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.’
Customer: ‘OK..’
Tech Support: ‘Did you get a pop-up menu?’
Customer: ‘No.’
Tech Support: ‘OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?’
Customer: ‘No.’
Tech Support: ‘OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?’
Customer: ‘Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.’
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Tech Support: ‘OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can
you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?’
Customer: ‘Wow! How can you see my screen from there?’
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Caller: ‘I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it.
So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?’
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This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department —-
Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause.’
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’
Cal ler: ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect .’
Operator: ‘What sort of trouble?’
Cal ler: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’
Operator: ‘Went away?’
Cal ler: ‘They disappeared’
Operator: ‘Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?’
Cal ler: ‘Nothing.’
Operator: ‘Nothing??’
Cal ler: ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’
Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?’
Cal ler: ‘How do I tell?’
Operator: ‘Can you see the ‘C: prompt’ on the screen?’
Cal ler: ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’
Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’
Cal ler: ‘There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept anything I type..’
Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator?’
Cal ler: ‘What’s a monitor?’
Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?’
Cal ler: ‘I don’t know.’
Operator: ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’
Cal ler: ‘Yes, I think so.’
Opera tor: ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s
plugged into the wall..
Cal ler: ‘Yes, it is.’
Operator: ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? ‘
Cal ler: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
find the other cable.’
Cal ler: ‘Okay, here it is.’
Operator: ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into
the back of your computer..’
Cal ler: ‘I can’t reach.’
Operator: ‘OK. Well, can you see if it is?’
Cal ler: ‘No…’
Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?’
Cal ler: ‘Well, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle — it’s because it’s dark.’
Operator: ‘Dark?’
Cal ler: ‘Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window.’
Operator: ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’
Cal ler: ‘I can’t..’
Operator: ‘No? Why not?’
Cal ler: ‘Because there’s a power failure.’
Operator: ‘A power …. A power failure? Aha. Okay, we’ve got it
licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and
packing stuff that your computer came in?’
Cal ler: ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..’
Operator: ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to
the store you bought it from.’
Cal ler: ‘Really? Is it that bad?’
Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’
Cal ler: ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?’
Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too damned stupid to own a computer!’ -
A touching story…
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side…
You know what Martha?”
“What dear?” she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
“I’m beginning to think you’re bad luck.”
Laughter is great medicine.
Send your funnies to so everyone can enjoy!
